When Jessica decides to finally get her Kindergarten education she is stuck in a classroom full of her 7th least favorite things…. CHILDREN!! She suffers a panic attack and sues all the children for $1B in emotional distress

Jessica is SOMEHOW stuck babysitting Olivia Rodrigo even though Jessica’s only job in her whole life was being a child pornstar. Olivia apparently got her drivers licence and drove Jessica’s pink Rolls Royce to this weird motel owned by these German inbred’s and buys this really big sausage. Jessica drives all over The Capitol State Of Sweden and still can’t find Olivia.

Chanel Oberlin (Jessica’s long time enemy) finds the severed head of Addison Rae in the middle of the Nevada desert. Chanel finds out that Jessica killed and buried Addison and uses this to blackmail Jessica. Addison’s head starts talking to Jessica and calling her a bunch of mean things, so Jessica slaps Addison until she shuts the fuck up.

Jessica finds out that her daughter Charli is eating a lot of food, she is 60 pounds now. Jessica tells Charli that she is getting super fat and sends her to fat camp. When the fat camp calls Jessica and says that Charli is actually underweight Jessica ends up dropping a bomb on the fat camp.

Jessica’s son (Chase) comes out to her as gay. Jessica is overjoyed because she LOVES gay people. Jessica sends Chase to faggot school to learn the ways of faggot-ness. James Charles teaches Chase all about being a faggot and then Chase realizes he isn’t cut out for being gay.

Jessica is convinced that she is being haunted by the ghost of Prince (and Duke) Philip. Jessica performs a satanic ritual to banish the spirit and ends up nearly killing herself in the process.

Everyone knows that the state bird of the Capital State Of Sweden is the Misquote. The Lindholm Castle was invaded by a genetically engendered Misquote who laid 100,000 Misquote eggs all across The Lindholm Castle.

Nicole Cage (Jessica’s Friend & Business Parter) decided to prank Jessica by covering her house in Sydney with 1 MILLION dildos. When Jessica goes to London to discuss a new sex toy product at the Lindholm Tower: Sydney, she ends up finding her house COVERED in dildos.

Jessica Invites over her long time fling (Chad Radwell) for a day of sex filled fun, Jessica and Chad go it for 8 hours and 22 rounds. After the 22nd round Chad tells Jessica that he loves her fat ass and tits but hates the way her face looks and should get some plastic surgery.

Jessica talks to her plastic surgeon Pria and goes over what she wants to look like. Jessica says she wants to look like a mix of Dove Cameron and Madelyn Cline “but like better.” Pria explains how dangerous the surgery will be but Jessica insists, Jessica ends up dying right after the surgery is finished, but her assistant resurrects her at the stone circle (with a blood sacrifice of course.)

Jessica loves her new face so much more now, she can’t get over how beautiful she is. Jessica always knew that no matter the way she looked she would always be better than everyone else, but this made her feel even better. Watch Jessica strut down Melrose Ave. looking better than everyone else.